As the momentous month of February ground to a close, the CBS television network announced it was suspending production of its hit sitcom "Two and a Half Men".
The stated reason for this action was the on-going personal struggles of its star Charlie Sheen, who was known to have problems with drugs, alcohol and porn stars.
In light of these circumstances, CBS' decision was a wise one. After all, how could the show go on if the star was unable to perform? Thus, waiting for Mr. Sheen to straighten himself out seemed like the common sense thing to do.
Unfortunately, when dealing with someone as unpredictable as Charlie Sheen, common sense often goes out the window.
Instead of using his unexpected spring break to get clean and sober, Sheen went berserk. Failing to acknowledge that his personal problems might have had a little something to do with his sitcom being shut down, Charlie began giving an endless series of bizarre, rambling interviews and/or rants where he attacked CBS, his producer, his ex-wives (he has 3), AA, "party girls" and Thomas Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson?!
Yes, THE Thomas Jefferson, who Sheen ungraciously called "a pussy".
Now, whether Sheen has a legitimate gripe with CBS (which pays him a handsome 1.8 million-an-episode salary, by the way), I can't say. Likewise, I know nothing about the substance of Charlie's complaints with his ex-wives and assorted "party girl" companions. But attacking Thomas Jefferson was simply uncalled for.
Although Charlie likes to brag that he is "special", that he is blessed with "Adonis DNA" and that he has "tiger blood" coursing through his veins, he is not and never will be in the same league as Thomas Jefferson.
Of course, you do not have to take my word for it. Despite the very high opinion Charlie holds of himself, a quick comparison and contrast of the historical record will show that the star of "Major League" and "Terminal Velocity" has no business casting aspersions on anyone, let alone one of our most influential Founding Fathers.
Thomas Jefferson vs. Charlie Sheen: A Historical Comparison
Thomas Jefferson: the principal author of the Declaration of Independence, former governor of Virginia, former vice president, former secretary of state and former president of the US of A.
Charlie Sheen: starred in "Two and a Half Men".
Thomas Jefferson: negotiated the Louisiana Purchase, organized Lewis and Clark's expedition and wrote Virginia's Statute of Religious Freedom.
Charlie Sheen: starred in "Hot Shots" and "Navy Seals" among other artistic milestones.
Thomas Jefferson: a vigorous supporter of the separation of church and state, Jefferson also practiced law, was an architect, an inventor and served as our minister to France.
Charlie Sheen: a vigorous supporter of hookers, porn stars and drug dealers.
Thomas Jefferson: founded the University of Virginia and his personal book collection (he was an avid reader) formed the basis of the Library of Congress.
Charlie Sheen: probably has every issue of "High Times" since 1979, but that's just a guess (I'm betting Charlie isn't much of a reader, anyway).
Thomas Jefferson: is honored with the Jefferson Memorial and his face is on the two dollar bill. Jefferson was also an accomplished musician and singer, began the tradition of shaking hands with dignitaries instead of bowing and popularized the eating of tomatoes (people had thought they were poisonous).
Charlie Sheen: stars on a sitcom that employs an over abundance of toilet humor, gross out gags and immature sexual innuendo to milk laughs. Unlike tomatoes, "Two and a Half Men" is poisonous.
Thomas Jefferson: built Monticello.
Charlie Sheen: lays about "Sober Valley Lodge" in the presence of two "goddesses"(actually a porn actress and a marijuana magazine cover model, to be exact).
Even in their public utterances, Jefferson towers over Sheen.
Jefferson: "A coward is much more exposed to quarrels than a man of spirit."
Sheen: "I'm (a) total bitchin' rock star from Mars."
Jefferson: "All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent."
Sheen: "AA is for pussies!"
Jefferson: "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."
Sheen: "You're a stupid pussy punk picking a fight with a warlock!"
A complex individual, Jefferson was not without his flaws, of course. He was a bad dresser. He was a poor public speaker. He broke his wrist trying to impress a gal with his violin playing. And, yes, sadly, Jefferson was a slave owner. But does this mean Jefferson was a pussy? Absolutely not.
Really, if Charlie Sheen wanted to single out a historical figure as "a pussy", he could have chosen from any number of individuals who fit that description far better than Thomas Jefferson: Stalin, Idi Amin (who once offered to marry Princess Anne if it would improve Uganda's relations with Britain), Papa and Baby Doc Duvalier, Vlad the Impaler, Brezhnev, Khruschchev, Nero, Caligula, Boss Tweed, Ivan the Terrible, Rasputin, Benedict Arnold, Hitler, General Franco, Fidel Castro, J. Edgar Hoover, Richard III, Jack the Ripper and Gadhafi, come to mind. Indeed, the fact that Charlie chose to single out our third president for such an egregious insult shows how out to lunch the sitcom star is.
Sorry, Charlie.
Rant and rave all you want about your bosses at CBS, any woman foolish enough to marry you and even those chesty but brainless "goddesses" who share your taste in drugs and porn--but leave Thomas Jefferson alone.
